overcoming, overcome, overcame

her heart stirred violently inside of her chest
her weary hands, trying to push it all down,
all the while choosing to breath in with hope and exhale with grace.

she didn’t settle, no she reached for more —
more than just existing, more than just breathing.
she was made of cells and atoms and matter so she knew she had to matter… somehow.

finally, with each labored breath
her shaking slowed and came to a cease.
now she walked step by step,
allowing her hand to be pulled by the King’s,
making His strength her strength and living with peace.

minute by minute, moment by moment,
the battle in her soul –
that was His battle now.

and then heaven met earth with an unforeseen kiss.
she felt a push and a pull –
it was the love of the King.

she thought to herself that battle that rages, oh the battle inside –
that battle within her, it’s already been won.
for the One that is in her is far greater in power
than the monsters and demons that tease to devour.

so she takes courage in the waiting.
she knows dark comes before dawn,
and the pain she feels is a catapult to an ever greater, ever bolder
chasing of peace
though night surrounds her, the light still shines on darkest nights.

the battle that rages?
the battle is her victory.

she’s an overcomer. 

yes she is, yes she is, yes she is.
it’s what’s painted across, etched into, and engraved on her soul.

i’m an overcomer. i’m an overcomer. i’m an overcomer…
i’m overcoming. i’ve overcome. i’ve overcame. 

peace, bring it all to peace, the storms surrounding me. let them break at Your name.

(anxiety attacks are hard and painful and awful but hey, i’m an overcomer and this poem just sort of came from that high tide/low tide and i just sort of had to get it out, you know?)

slipping by | pt. 2

dear february —

xii. i was lost in my worshipping. when she wrapped her arm around me and held me in tight embrace it was a rather pleasant surprise. she rested her head on my shoulder and remained for several minutes. all the while she didn’t utter a word — just stretched the sweetest smile across her face. warmth glowed from her eyes. i felt cared for and loved for who i was. i don’t even remember receiving a hug like the one during that moment. there have been passing ones, yes, but far has there been one with that tender feeling.

xiv. thank you for second sisters who point the way, who empathize, who care, who affirm, and who drop a “hello” at just the right moment. the amount of love i have for her is overwhelming. ahhhh. iron sharpens iron and this girl is such a blessing.

xiv. precious moments include waking up and watching the sun rise. treasured moments include doing something for the first time and totally bossing it. memorable moments include, after succeeding, people surrounding praising you but most of all your dear father enveloping you in a papa bear hug and saying “well done.” treasured moments include your teacher telling you did a perfect job. oh, to feel loved. oh, to feel affirmed. it’s moments like these that i enjoy life.

xiv. “i consider you one of our leaders,” stated the voice on the other end of the phone line. wow. this person of authority saying such a statement about me? this blew me away. thank you for surprise guides who spur me on to reassure me in what i’ve been doing and to keep living out.

xiv. hallelujah for confirmations and blending in with a bunch of nerdy thirty-year olds. what a road paver.

Continue reading

slipping by | pt. 1

dear january —

xii. something about the frigid temperatures that you bring, mixed with raw emotions based on unfortunate circumstances, and unsettling social media dms that don’t quite sit well in my being… made me slink back into emptiness.

xiv. beauty broke free that evening. the melodies of one voice shook my heart. i had to stop trying. stop living from a state of mind that i could change it. i resolved to step in and the song that came through made my heart jump off the walls of my desperate soul. that night he scored a victory. thank you for revelations and break-throughs.

xvii. when someone like him leaves i cry. ’nuff said.

xv. thank you for opportunities for quiet and reflection. for three hours away from family (no offense) once a week. joy and thankfulness bubbled as i left that place the first day, knowing it would be a safe haven to return to week after week. tbh: it feels like a blissful retreat.

xxiii. i met mad chaos in the wee hours of the night. frantic texts, apologies back and forth. i made everything oh, so bad. hands thrown up in the air and frustrated. not the ideal end to the day.

xxv. i went to bed feeling so happy about myself. the feeling of chaos turned into feeling of conquering. nights where you can laugh to yourself and say you did it have the best feelings. all of a sudden “you’re lighter than air, the sky is clear, and you’re soaring up through the atmosphere.”

xxvi. “lead me where my trust is without borders.” i’m cold, slipping, sliding. there’s a crack in the ice. what have i got myself into. it isn’t where i land that matters. it is how.

xxxi. attitude > agenda. cultural bonds > cultural differences. servitude > self. what struck me was their force in having me eat first. that is what love is like. always offering, always serving, always giving. “so let my love look like you and what you’re made of.”

thanks for the little things. for warm, fuzzy feelings when you finally feel loved. for convictions during early mornings and comfort in the evenings. for grace that sweeps me up in waves. for love so fierce that i can’t escape. for engraining reminders to steady my heart. 

a rub on your shoulder

girlbenchprecious one, dear one…

if only i could hug you and embrace you. but i fear you’re too distant, and everything i do seems to bounce off as if i didn’t even try. listen to me. i do.

i understand what you’re going through. you don’t believe me, but i do. oh, the pain and the suffering in your eyes were once in mine as well. when your walls seem to cave in and all you want to do is evaporate or slam the brakes. i’ve felt it.

some people don’t understand. but i do. life happens. feelings erupt. thoughts of “if only…” “could have, should have, would haves” flood my brain as i’m sure it does yours. but listen. life isn’t perfect. it just isn’t. we fail. we all do. you might look at yourself and say you’re not good enough. you may think you can’t do anything right; that you are a failure. you don’t have to strive for perfection because guess what: Jesus is your Perfecter. his grace is sufficient and covers all your weaknesses. (2 Cor. 12:9-10)

you might be shameful for all the things you’ve done. all the hurt and pain you’ve caused; the mistakes you’ve made. you might think you deserve bad things to happen to you because of what you’ve done. please know that God is a god of forgiveness and if you come to him with a heart of humble repentance, he will give you grace and mercy. with him, the chains that are bound around you can be released because there is victory in him. you no longer have to live with shame because he has overcome your past mistakes.

you might grow weary at yourself and think you can’t change. sweetie, you can change. God is a God of miracles and he is a mighty, powerful God. he has made the impossible in me possible, and i believe he can do the same for you. keep clinging and trusting him. (Matthew 19:26)

you may see yourself as too ugly; that you’re too tall or too short; that you’re fat or too skinny. but darling, won’t you look in my eyes… you are a wonderful human being created by a loving Father to do great works which he has already planned in advance for you. (Eph. 2:10) he has created you with radiant, true inner beauty so shine for him, gorgeous!

at times, you may feel out of place and alone. you may feel rejected and ignored. i have felt the same way; i’m sure everyone has at some point or another. even Jesus was scorned at and rejected. he knows your pain because he has experienced it also. for that reason, he loves you even more so, and hates seeing you feel this way. instead of rejection, he opens his arms and accepts you– he calls you his beloved child.

honey, you are an awesome spirit being of magnificent worth as a person. you are deeply loved of God. you are fully pleasing to God and totally accepted by him. you are absolutely complete in Christ. and when your person is expressed through your performance, the reflection is dynamically unique.

there has never been another person like you in the history of mankind, nor will there ever be. you are an original; a one of a kind; a totally awesome someone in Christ Jesus! for he chose you, blesses you, and allows you at times to be broken but only to enable you to be a blessing to others in their brokenness.

“i have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. in this world you will have trouble. but take heart! i have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)” 

from the depths of my heart, to the depths of yours… with love.

{the inspiration}