rise.

i feel all of a sudden stripped bare
left in the cold, reaching for something to hold
they say the father up above is looking down in love
and all i must do is abide

abide. to be still.
to rest, rest in the rivers of his peace
to release, release my control and trust his will

release —
open hands, eyes up.
unclenched jaws, uncrossed arms
crying hosanna, Savior come
hosanna, save me now
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no longer wanna-be

fake it till you make it yell “those” kids
that’s what they all say
maybe that’s how they made it up there

am i right?

i try, try, try
to be someone that i’m not
i’m an oughtta-be, wanna-be, gotta-be
the cycles of strife surge me on

i’m a workaholic, control freak, and perfectionist… to the T

i want to win, win, win
get up on top, feel good about ma self
i find myself bending down
bending myself to win the hearts of people
bending myself to win a little more love

bending myself to win just a little more approval and just a few more scraps of acceptance

but i fail, fail, fail
when i try

to win

maybe instead i should try to be
a serve-aholic instead of a workaholic
and let someone else be in control of me
maybe instead i should
turn to the cross of perfection — at the only true perfectionist

instead of making one out of me

what if instead i embraced myself
for who i am, and for who i will always be —
beloved, for all eternity. 

don’t fake it, honey

you think i can’t tell
but darling…

i can.

you are worth more than rubies

you, precious, never go out of style

won’t you look into my eyes
just remember

baby, you are priceless.

like a ring of solid gold
a smooth and flawless pearl
drawn out from down, down down

refined and raised above all else

don’t bend down, for i have drawn you up
out of deep waters i have pulled you,

calling your precious name

all the voices in your mind
that make you weak inside
don’t belong —
don’t belong
in a place
as beautiful
as you.

139.

O God, you know everything about me.

you know when i’m fully engaged and full of whimsy and when I am frustrated, beaten down, and exhausted. you know when I am excited and when i am upset. you know when I am content and when i just feel like throwing myself on my bed and sobbing. you don’t need to read my blog, or my journal, or the last text conversations i had with my best friend, or even the last scripture i highlighted to find out what’s on my mind. you know full well what makes me tick, frustrated, and annoyed even better than i do, because sometimes i don’t even know what to think!

you, Lord, cast the vision. you go before me and know what will come along my way. you go behind me watching my back. you place your hand on me even now, making sure i am okay because you, Father, always want the best for me. let me not, Lord, ever run away. if i were to run away let me run to You– because you, the king of my heart, are the mountain when i run and the shadow where i hide. because really, there’s no such thing as running away. 

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a rub on your shoulder

precious one, dear one…

if only i could hug you and embrace you. but i fear you’re too distant, and everything i do seems to bounce off as if i didn’t even try. listen to me. i do.

i understand what you’re going through. you don’t believe me, but i do. oh, the pain and the suffering in your eyes were once in mine as well. when your walls seem to cave in and all you want to do is evaporate or slam the brakes. i’ve felt it.

some people don’t understand. but i do. life happens. feelings erupt. thoughts of “if only…” “could have, should have, would haves” flood my brain as i’m sure it does yours. but listen. life isn’t perfect. it just isn’t. we fail. we all do. you might look at yourself and say you’re not good enough. you may think you can’t do anything right; that you are a failure. you don’t have to strive for perfection because guess what: Jesus is your Perfecter. his grace is sufficient and covers all your weaknesses. (2 Cor. 12:9-10)

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love in a babe

time stood still–
beauty in all He was
could this child be

the King of all kings?

born in a stable
as a babe,
how can this child

really save?

blessed Redeemer,
Emmanuel.
humbly He gave
with love He paid

the price for us all!

how can it be?
the love of our Savior
so lavished on us!
so overwhelming!
how great– is thou love!

for good

from rags to riches
from sinful to forgiven
from weary to hopeful

from wretched to redeemed

 

Jean Valjean! 24601!
“i will repay!
i will come your way– 24601!”
“Cosette. Marius.
the love you have of each other
elates my soul

i will do anything for you.”

 

“crucify, crucify!
seize the man. kill the man.
CRUCIFY!”

“it. is. done.”

 

oh, death where is your sting?
our resurrected King
has overcome.
he’s overcome.

for me.

 

from a manger in a stable
beaten, flogged, and tried
accepted by few
this man paid the price.

for you.

 

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20

cycle of life

life is like a cycle of ups and downs. when i am healthy and my grades are above 90%, life looks pretty good to me. but then there comes stress, distractions, sickness, and of course, the consequences of procrastination. that’s when life feels bad… my world caves in, my plates fall, i’m a mess. i’m in my second year in high school now– so often it seems like i’ve had more bad days than good.

sometimes i wonder, “If life is filled of all these all I can think about are bad, horrible things, then is life worth living? what is God’s purpose for the curve balls he throws in my life?”

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