139.

O God, you know everything about me.

you know when i’m fully engaged and full of whimsy and when I am frustrated, beaten down, and exhausted. you know when I am excited and when i am upset. you know when I am content and when i just feel like throwing myself on my bed and sobbing. you don’t need to read my blog, or my journal, or the last text conversations i had with my best friend, or even the last scripture i highlighted to find out what’s on my mind. you know full well what makes me tick, frustrated, and annoyed even better than i do, because sometimes i don’t even know what to think!

you, Lord, cast the vision. you go before me and know what will come along my way. you go behind me watching my back. you place your hand on me even now, making sure i am okay because you, Father, always want the best for me. let me not, Lord, ever run away. if i were to run away let me run to You– because you, the king of my heart, are the mountain when i run and the shadow where i hide. because really, there’s no such thing as running away. 

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draft #

so i guess it isn’t as easy as i thought. i scribble, but then erase again … refining a never ending story. it seems i am stuck in the climax — the tipping point. character conflict after character conflict. the plot rises, then falls. i scribble, and try to erase, and try to refine. but there seems to be some trouble… i can’t seem to change the story. i am stuck in the climax. things don’t erase no matter how hard i try. and it seems like the characters are stuck in their own sense of doom. there are chapters where Happiness is the star and defeats Sadness, or where Joy trumps Sorrow. others feature Rejection stamping Love, and Discouragement standing taller than Strength. it is all a multitude of messy cycles. chapter after chapter alternate like different mood swings. who will be the final victor? which character will i don to be the savior of the “day”? there is no final happy ending / destination– yet. but i do know for certain that my story will have a delightfully happy ending filled with rejoicing. it’s going to be awesome. but the story’s still in progress with different chapters yet to be written. and with each chapter, another plot, and another climax.

it really isn’t easy to write a book. maybe it’s because i’m no writer at all. maybe, just maybe…

sigs