slipping by // pt. 4

dear april —

iii-vi. you’ve shown how sometimes the highest of highs foreshadows times of brokenness and weakness. moments that cloud my head with pain, that heave my chest with despair. you’ve shown how every death leads towards a resurrection. you gave me just enough strength to endure.

vii. thank you for wonderful conversations in the middle of the unknown. your marvelous hand was over it all, and it’s so beautiful to see. sometimes we just have to look back to see everything lead up to direction. it is in the things of the past that shape us and lead us into everything good and perfect of what’s ahead. and i think that this day might make it into the books of the glorious life ahead. because it sure was an amazing one. dare to dream. dare to pray. dare to believe. ❤

Continue reading

slipping by // pt. 1

dear january —

xii. something about the frigid temperatures that you bring, mixed with raw emotions based on unfortunate circumstances, and unsettling social media dms that don’t quite sit well in my being… made me slink back into emptiness.

xiv. beauty broke free that evening. the melodies of one voice shook my heart. i had to stop trying. stop living from a state of mind that i could change it. i resolved to step in and the song that came through made my heart jump off the walls of my desperate soul. that night he scored a victory. thank you for revelations and break-throughs.

xvii. when someone like him leaves i cry. ’nuff said.

Continue reading

139.

O God, you know everything about me.

you know when i’m fully engaged and full of whimsy and when I am frustrated, beaten down, and exhausted. you know when I am excited and when i am upset. you know when I am content and when i just feel like throwing myself on my bed and sobbing. you don’t need to read my blog, or my journal, or the last text conversations i had with my best friend, or even the last scripture i highlighted to find out what’s on my mind. you know full well what makes me tick, frustrated, and annoyed even better than i do, because sometimes i don’t even know what to think!

you, Lord, cast the vision. you go before me and know what will come along my way. you go behind me watching my back. you place your hand on me even now, making sure i am okay because you, Father, always want the best for me. let me not, Lord, ever run away. if i were to run away let me run to You– because you, the king of my heart, are the mountain when i run and the shadow where i hide. because really, there’s no such thing as running away. 

Continue reading

a rub on your shoulder

precious one, dear one…

if only i could hug you and embrace you. but i fear you’re too distant, and everything i do seems to bounce off as if i didn’t even try. listen to me. i do.

i understand what you’re going through. you don’t believe me, but i do. oh, the pain and the suffering in your eyes were once in mine as well. when your walls seem to cave in and all you want to do is evaporate or slam the brakes. i’ve felt it.

some people don’t understand. but i do. life happens. feelings erupt. thoughts of “if only…” “could have, should have, would haves” flood my brain as i’m sure it does yours. but listen. life isn’t perfect. it just isn’t. we fail. we all do. you might look at yourself and say you’re not good enough. you may think you can’t do anything right; that you are a failure. you don’t have to strive for perfection because guess what: Jesus is your Perfecter. his grace is sufficient and covers all your weaknesses. (2 Cor. 12:9-10)

Continue reading

calm the waves

Jesus, calm the waves
just as You calmed the sea
calm my waves…
day to day

i struggle to know if i will sink or float.

but oh, Father, calm the waves
give me faith
to venture out like Peter
and walk on the water
give me trust
to take your hand like Peter

and ride the waves.

give me peace.
give me faith.
give me trust…

to stay strong.

Daniel 10:19 TLB- God loves you very much… don’t be afraid! Calm yourself; be strong- yes, strong!

what to do with your life status

life is like a cycle of ups and downs. when i am healthy and my grades are above 90%, life looks pretty good to me. but then there comes stress, distractions, sickness, and of course, the consequences of procrastination. that’s when life feels bad… my world caves in, my plates fall, i’m a mess. i’m in my second year in high school now– so often it seems like i’ve had more bad days than good.

sometimes i wonder, “If life is filled of all these all I can think about are bad, horrible things, then is life worth living? what is God’s purpose for the curve balls he throws in my life?”

Continue reading

my lifeguard

my spirit wavers amidst the wind,
my thoughts swerve in and out,
i am doubting… trying to see your hand
pull me out, O God, right now

i feel alone; thrashing in these waves

O Lord, i’m yearning for you
i’m longing for your embrace
i’m longing to see your glorious face
i’m corrupted- i’m in need of your grace

i deserve to drown

Continue reading