from northern lights

icy and dark are what my brain feels - but i dismiss those because the smears of green and purple show beauty and joy emerging from my heart. and stars - they are the freckles of tear stained cheeks. it's all warm... and mysterious... and safe.  my soul is icy and dark inside. it is…

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slipping by | pt. 11

(a lot has happened this month... so i apologize in advance for this book. oooops) dear november -- i. lies... and feelings. thoughts. they all mix into a myriad of a tight heaviness - none of which i should be experiencing right now. he was pushing me in a corner, making me feel smaller than the…

slipping by | pt. 10

dear october -- peacemaking... you took the course. what did you learn? thoughts and emotions swarm my head as you confront me with those questions and all i can think of is i don't know. the things that come to my mind i merely dismiss. is this what You are trying to tell me in this? oh…

slipping by | pt. 9

dear september -- i. paralysis... worry and fear paralyzed me. oh no, Father... not again. but yes, it seems. yes... again. iii. pride... pride got the best of me, and i could feel it. i was running on a performance cycle rather than a serving heart. i wonder if hamsters get exhausted once in awhile or…

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they happened so long ago. i thought i had stuffed them down, scrunched them like paper to a ball and thrown them far beyond my eyes could see. yet they're all of a sudden coming back... like a boomerang. all flooding back.those pen-inked stains of my wrist when i wrote the date across the top…

slipping by | pt. 8

dear august — i. our love for each other broke loose as we ventured into greater depths and allowed ourselves to look into into the heart of the other. ii. he whines and drags his feet, sending her voice to rise and fall with increasing intensity, then snap. and there i sit, bending to accommodate, but whispers…

slipping by | pt. 7

dear july — ii. we talked about our feelings about the upcoming week. and he leaned over and said -- hey, it's gonna get better. and sitting side by side, my heart felt light. and for a second, i was sure that indeed it would... get better. ii. names were called and a bullet went through my…

slipping by | pt. 6

dear june — x. belly laughing until you're gasping for air -- the best kind of nights. xii. i love you... the best three words given and received. xi. he asked me if i was generally happy with my drawing, to which i nodded. he asked, "how about in life?" to which i was taken by surprise.…

slipping by // pt. 5

dear may — xii. something sprouted in the garden. a newfound desire, an unquenchable hope. barefoot, my toes wiggle in the goodness of the fertile soil. arms high, i receive the refreshing pouring out of rain. i'm free, i'm free, i'm free to dance and sing xiii. in the midst of chaos and unexpected worries, his gentle…

slipping by // pt. 4

dear april -- iii-vi. you've shown how sometimes the highest of highs foreshadows times of brokenness and weakness. moments that cloud my head with pain, that heave my chest with despair. you've shown how every death leads towards a resurrection. you gave me just enough strength to endure. vii. thank you for wonderful conversations in the middle of the…