let my love

let My love be present in the shadows
when you can’t quite hear My voice
i try to move but dark moves me
and i feel confined by inner noise

let My love be faithful in the valley
when the tide comes high
i try to reach above it all
but Your words are drowned by my cries

let My love be trustworthy in the waiting
when my heart longs for yes, no, not yet
i try to listen but uncertainty looms
and forms questions in my mind

let My love be steady in the daily
when moments rise and fall
i try to do but help me see
It’s only You i need
so abiding may i be

all i have is yours

we have spiritual power and authority
to slay giants in our day
sometimes i feel limited though
and can’t find the strength to say
the enemy plays a record tape and steps into my space
telling me i am too small, too gentle, too weak
to scale what’s in my way
Jesus flipped the script though
i no longer need to fear
for just as the enemy cowers close
Christ is just as near

we have not because we ask not, He says
what would it look like to believe
the fullness of who He is?
that the same One who raised Christ from dead to life
is the same One who lives within?
He raises the dead heart to full life,
softening stone-hard to mold
so may our scattered minds be lifted up
may our fractured hearts be made anew
may our wandering souls be found here
and reminded of what’s true

i am not dismissing
that God is using this wasteland
for He certainly is
Jesus is in the business of bringing
new wine from water,
new wells, in a land of drought,
and multiplying fish and loaves

in seasons that we give a name,
He never leaves us the same.
places we call wastelands now,
He turns for His glory and our good.
when you pass through the waters, i will be with you
through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you

let this no longer be a “may” but a call of imperative —
Jesus we need You
i need You
i ask and declare,
make things new
for i want more of you

all i have is yours, He says
His joy, His peace, His grace
His love — lavished
such a blessed inheritance
is that enough for me?
He is not one who leaves his children impoverished
but gives, gives, gives
in bounty

all i have is yours —
where we’re invited
into communion and fellowship at His table
where He’s already there waiting
and saves a seat for you

when will we realize, when will we know?
if we really believed this it would surely show
Jesus wants nothing and needs nothing
except us, you, your heart
not what you are doing for Him,
nor how many times you’ve prayed,
how many times you’ve cried aloud
for Him to save the day
His love is unchanging,
His plans always good.
your prayers do shake heaven
but heaven does not need you.

none of it is conditional
like our human minds think it should
as if you had to strive, or prove or pretend
and have means to an end
love doesn’t come in pieces
grace isn’t something earned
“you are already accepted here”
is the truth we need to learn
and as we come to live it,
our rest in Him will grow
as we be still and know —
His presence is what matters
and to have it is a gift

come let us adore Him
is the Christmas carol we sing
O let us behold Him
precious Jesus, King of Kings

11:23 p.m.

over clouded emotions and looming worries, she lifts her sights.
she speaks in faith and thinks in faith and chooses faith.

faith – above the mountains of fear that stand in her way.
for she’s come to realize this very thing:

fear – it enables her to tread on higher heights.
for it is in the process of fearing more that she becomes fear-less.

so though the climb is hard, she keeps going.
keeps choosing. keeps pushing through.

some days she stands tall – determined, emboldened, and full of life.
other days, her journey is but a crawl.

and that’s okay. she’ll be alright.
she has His strength —
all the way.

overcoming, overcome, overcame

her heart stirred violently inside of her chest
her weary hands, trying to push it all down,
all the while choosing to breath in with hope and exhale with grace.

she didn’t settle, no she reached for more —
more than just existing, more than just breathing.
she was made of cells and atoms and matter so she knew she had to matter… somehow.

finally, with each labored breath
her shaking slowed and came to a cease.
now she walked step by step,
allowing her hand to be pulled by the King’s,
making His strength her strength and living with peace.

minute by minute, moment by moment,
the battle in her soul –
that was His battle now.

and then heaven met earth with an unforeseen kiss.
she felt a push and a pull –
it was the love of the King.

she thought to herself that battle that rages, oh the battle inside –
that battle within her, it’s already been won.
for the One that is in her is far greater in power
than the monsters and demons that tease to devour.

so she takes courage in the waiting.
she knows dark comes before dawn,
and the pain she feels is a catapult to an ever greater, ever bolder
chasing of peace
though night surrounds her, the light still shines on darkest nights.

the battle that rages?
the battle is her victory.

she’s an overcomer. 

yes she is, yes she is, yes she is.
it’s what’s painted across, etched into, and engraved on her soul.

i’m an overcomer. i’m an overcomer. i’m an overcomer…
i’m overcoming. i’ve overcome. i’ve overcame. 

---

peace, bring it all to peace, the storms surrounding me. let them break at Your name.

(anxiety attacks are hard and painful and awful but hey, i’m an overcomer and this poem just sort of came from that high tide/low tide and i just sort of had to get it out, you know?)

from northern lights

icy and dark are what my brain feels – but i dismiss those because the smears of green and purple show beauty and joy emerging from my heart. and stars – they are the freckles of tear stained cheeks. it’s all warm… and mysterious… and safe. 

my soul is icy and dark inside. it is fiery, and it is feisty. a battle rages within me, but still i must charge on. i know things will get better. and they have. you see? though darkness looms, the colors surge — making beauty in the night.

but a piece of me is still missing… a clouded thought looms in the dark like a faded memory. but no – it is more than a memory. the other day was a joyous one – filled with laughter, celebration, good food. the day was also a heart-quaky one — filled with emptiness, sorrow, pain. i wanted to leave the dazzling colors and go out for you that day, to call you back. i wanted to reach my arm and catch the last thread flying in the wind. and i wanted to tell you there was an empty seat at the table that only you could fill.

but now i’ve got this sorrow and you’ve got that hurt and we can’t go back to who we were. 

things are different — different without you.

and now, right now, today, i miss you more than anything. i could stand outside in the black of night and howl at the wind, calling your name. but for what i can tell, i would only get my own voice echoing back in dismay. the last thread – once flying, is no longer in sight. at least not that i can see.

i hope somehow you can hear me, even as the wind drowns out my voice. i hope somehow you’ll know that i’ve always seen the green, the purple, and the freckles in you. the green, the purple – they are smears of beauty emerging from deep within, even through those bleakest, darkest nights. remember, too, the freckles of your tear-stained cheeks – the freckles are your stars. i’ve always seen those in you. and you’re still shining brightly and as beautiful as ever.

that’s the beauty of northern lights.

oh and the empty seat – it will always remain specially for you in my heart.

“the stickers only stick if they matter to you. the more you trust my love, the less you care about the stickers.” “i’m not sure i understand.” “you will, but it will take time. remember, you are special because i made you. and i don’t make mistakes.”

— max lucado, you are special

rise.

i feel all of a sudden stripped bare
left in the cold, reaching for something to hold
they say the father up above is looking down in love
and all i must do is abide

abide. to be still.
to rest, rest in the rivers of his peace
to release, release my control and trust his will

release —
open hands, eyes up.
unclenched jaws, uncrossed arms
crying hosanna, Savior come
hosanna, save me now

no longer wanna-be

fake it till you make it yell “those” kids

that’s what they all say

maybe that’s how they made it up there

am i right?

i try, try, try

to be someone that i’m not

i’m an oughtta-be, wanna-be, gotta-be

the cycles of strife surge me on

i’m a workaholic, control freak, and perfectionist… to the T

i want to win, win, win

get up on top, feel good about ma self

i find myself bending down

bending myself to win the hearts of people

bending myself to win a little more love

bending myself to win just a little more approval and just a few more scraps of acceptance

but i fail, fail, fail

when i try

to win

maybe instead i should try to be

a serve-aholic instead of a workaholic

and let someone else be in control of me

maybe instead i should

turn to the cross of perfection — at the only true perfectionist

instead of making one out of me

what if instead i embraced myself

for who i am, and for who i will always be —

beloved, for all eternity. 

---

don’t fake it, honey

you think i can’t tell

but darling…

i can.

you are worth more than rubies

you, precious, never go out of style

won’t you look into my eyes

just remember

baby, you are priceless.

like a ring of solid gold

a smooth and flawless pearl

drawn out from down, down down

refined and raised above all else

don’t bend down, for i have drawn you up

out of deep waters i have pulled you,

calling your precious name

all the voices in your mind

that make you weak inside

don’t belong —

don’t belong

in a place

as beautiful

as you.

friday feelings

the silence was deafening–

then voices. echoing, booming

faces danced along the walls

i wanted to hide

then his face appeared–

ahh his face

beyond words

just two words: infatuated love

…

a whisper in the dead of night–

stirs my wrestling mind

be still my heart he says

till i feel a peace of mind

calm the waves

Jesus, calm the waves

just as You calmed the sea

calm my waves…

day to day

i struggle to know if i will sink or float.

but oh, Father, calm the waves

give me faith

to venture out like Peter

and walk on the water

give me trust

to take your hand like Peter

and ride the waves.

give me peace.

give me faith.

give me trust…

to stay strong.

Daniel 10:19 TLB- God loves you very much… don’t be afraid! Calm yourself; be strong- yes, strong!

love in a babe

time stood still–

beauty in all He was

could this child be

the King of all kings?

born in a stable

as a babe,

how can this child

really save?

blessed Redeemer,

Emmanuel.

humbly He gave

with love He paid

the price for us all!

how can it be?

the love of our Savior

so lavished on us!

so overwhelming!

how great– is thou love!