slipping by // pt. 3

dear march —

i. thank you for heart-wrenching convictions. for wakeup calls. for shouting your voice loud and clear like a megaphone.

ii. i sit in a hard back swivel chair in his private office. so many unknowns. the future draws near and my head spins like the swivel chair. it’ll be okay. i’ll be okay. how easily i fill with despair.

iii. i’ve never felt so dumb in my life. maybe i was good for nothing. i gulp and turn back to the voice. so many voices. which one will i listen to? i sit in silence and ponder.

v. sometimes i wish God would speak to me. loud and clear. but then i realize even in the subtle moments his voice becomes clear. p.s. i hate migraines

vii. they are my favorite people. we work together, laugh together, and talk together. i know what makes them tick and what gets them going. they make me so happy and i love them with every fiber of my being.

x. i woke up at an ungodly hour of the day. heart pattering. barely breathing. people are so insensitive. does no one care? and when they do ask they think something is wrong with me. all i need is some time … you people can certainly fend by yourselves because really you’ve only been using me to your advantage all this time. p.s. i willed myself to forget. and i didn’t forget, but it no longer consumes me.

xi. sometimes our defeats can be our victories. even though it was a let down the defeat did not linger in the air. i went in so full of myself but now I realize the events don’t matter. it’s the people. because at the end of the day, listing events that occurred left me void. it was the people i encountered, the conversations i engaged in, the emotions that were stirred that really mattered at the end of the day. i feel bad for steering the conversation to school and tests, and busyness in life… because who cares for that anyway?

xii. hello perfectionist me again. i hacked at it for three hours and thanks to you i still wasn’t satisfied. but before i left he said it was perfect… and I glanced at it from afar and gazed at it, this time agreeing: it looked like a masterpiece. maybe that’s what our father does, doesn’t he? help me to always step back and look at the big picture and accept grace. #beautifullyflawed #crownedwithconfidence

xiv. thank you for convictions that make you cry. for revelations of scripture that saturate your soul with renewal

xv. i am so miserable right now. learning the truth is hard and relationships are one sticky mess. it pains me to let go and say… goodbye.

xviii. have you ever felt giddy over being in love? because i have. and it’s just the most wonderful feeling. i thought it was a goodbye but it was only just an au revoir.

xxiv. my heart is dancing, my soul is singing… i can boomerang jump in the air forever.

xxxi. saying goodbye to standing here~ ❤


thanks for changing my life in all the many ways i can’t even express in words. sometimes truth is right in front of you. there is hope in disappointment and redemption in loss. thank you for new life. — you see what you seek — 

hos. 6.3, deut. 31.8, 2 cor. 4.1_18, ps. 30.2, is. 25.1, ps. 119.67_72, acts 2.25_28, is. 60.1

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2 thoughts on “slipping by // pt. 3

    • the MusicalMuser says:

      reading this stretches a smile across my face and relieves my uneasy chest. i am being weird; i don’t know what to feel anymore. i feel void… stripped from the strength to compose and harmonize simple pigments of ink on a pixelated screen. thank you, dear, for your encouragement to keep going. hearing from you means more than you know. you’ve just about made my week. ❤

      p.s. hey, we should talk soon. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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