it’s been a long day without you, my friend.
here’s to returning back to the comfort of writing. even if it’s raw, mangled, and unsorted. i’ve lost so much. these days i can’t bring myself to words. yet i know that in them, i find strength. i will embrace the process of kintsugi – the broken, fractured, and burst open parts of me so that He can hold me and seal me even in the broken. so here i sit, sifting through these parts. the parts where grace is evident and apparent, the parts where brokenness is all i see, the parts where the grace meets the broken and i can see His goodness in abundance to me.
11.11 – keep seeking. God has a present… a gift for you. remember the people in your life that speak into you. remember the words they say to bless you. remember each promise; it will be fulfilled.
12.20 – “Then fear not, O Jacob my servant, declares the Lord, nor be dismayed, O Israel; for behold, I will save you from far away… For i am with you to save you, declares the Lord. For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord. Thus says the Lord: the people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel sought for rest, the Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. Again I will build you, and you shall be built. I will turn their mourning into joy; I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow. I will feast the soul of the priests with abundance, and my people shall be satisfied with my goodness, declares the Lord. There is hope for your future, declares the Lord. For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.” from Jeremiah 30 & 31
12.22 – prepare Him room. prepare room in my heart – get rid of pride and make room for Him — love, humility, trust, and faith. not looking down upon, shaming, or pushing aside… but prepare Him the room that He deserves. remember that revelations sometimes come when you’re doing something you’d rather not do.
1.22. you are a bright light that will bring others to Him. your identity will be made firm in this season and you will unashamedly carry the love of the gospel. hold on to truth and foreknowledge. let it embolden and encourage. what was spoken will come to pass, let it be done.
1.23. today i had depression, but now i am full of the fullness of joy. the spirit of discouragement and depression were there and it was real. but thank you Lord for freedom and healing. let me not let depression define me. oh dear heart, remember that. remember this. remember this day. it was a stone marker day, she said. let it be so.
There’s a garment of praise for heaviness
There’s a new song burning inside my chest
I’m living in the goodness that He brings
Get your hopes up
Lift your head up, let your faith arise
1.24. Christ is your security and your strength. remember the times He speaks in the mulling of your mind.
feelings have been your security and your strength. the presence of feelings in your life have been an indicator for you that things are stirring in the midst of them.
but Christ is your security and your strength. the presence of Him in your life is an indicator for you that things are stirring and moving. even when your feelings are at a standstill, and when tears don’t come when you go before the Lord.
the presence of Him alone means He is always there. His love is always there. Joy is always there. Peace is always there. Healing is always there. He exceeds the spaces of your feelings and He is in the spaces of your feelings. don’t let feelings be an indicator of your present season of faith.
2.5. no longer needed. remember you are needed in this world no matter how disconnected or unneeded you feel you to be. you don’t have to be an active member to feel valued or loved. you are “part of” not because you are needed or wanted, but because you are loved for you. remember to stay humble because of that truth.
2.22. showing up. if deciding to show up to life was a decision we had to make for ourselves each day, i can’t imagine how many times i would make the decision to simply not show up. especially of late.
but God in His grace… He decides to sustain your days and carry you forward. remember to abide in the goodness of His grace.
3.3. your brokenness is beautiful… and no shame. remember this. your brokenness is not to be ashamed of. remember the broken communion you had in your hand as your brokenness met His brokenness, forming union with Him as you brought your broken heart to meet His breaking heart for you. remember how the Beautiful One broke for us, and how we now break for the sake of His glory.
the other day i described myself as a torn sheet of paper, rough and frayed around the edges. each day a new narrative to be written; fresh feelings and worries tear at the mind, festering my weary soul. this journey is still lined with grace, and to that i will choose to grab and cling. even in the severed parts, there is still grace filling the cracks like gold.